My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
