He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
