I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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