Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
