I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
