I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
