Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
