You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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