I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
