You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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