hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
