bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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