I must be too annoying 4 u.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
