It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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