I love having hate sex.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
