you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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