Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
