I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
