my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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