first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
