also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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