Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
