I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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