She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
