when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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