I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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