Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
