I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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