i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
