hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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