drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
