Who did Billy Mays play for?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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