I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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