ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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