I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
