??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
