at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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