Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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