I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
