no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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