So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
