i jhust puked up my retainher.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
