Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
