Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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