Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
