I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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