Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
