You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
