weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
