hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
