so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Drunk is a universal language darling
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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